Ah, but won’t you stay awhile?
Delay awhile and talk?
Perhaps we’ll wander down the lane
Of mem’ries as we walk.
Perchance we’ll share some of ourselves
Maybe some piece of mind
Whilst we seek within the other
A soul of sim’lar kind
My pretty lass, my bonnie maid
My longing heart grows weak
I fear you have gone off with it
And left me here to seek
I will try well to follow you
Where e’er it is you lead
And pray that when I find you there
I may be well recei’ed
Aye, colleen won’t you stay awhile?
Delay awhile with me?
Perhaps kindl'd will be that lovely spark
That glows ‘twixt I and thee.
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Perhaps "'twixt me and thee"?
ReplyDeleteThat, I think, is my only suggestion (not that you asked for it. Gloriously well done. It reminds me of some things I wrote in another time and place, but better. Also, I love the use of colleen. 'Tis a sadly neglected word.
I like the change to 'twixt, but changing it to 'me' instead of 'I' messes with the flow due to the jumble of consonant sounds and its matching the rhyme.
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